Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
