I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
