I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize