I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
