some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my poor anus
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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