Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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