yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
