I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize