If i come over, it means nothing
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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