Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
