exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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