What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
