adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
