roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
