We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
