we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
