just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
