I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
