he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
