JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
