the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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