great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
be right there i have to get my cape
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
