time to smoke my breakfast
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
