The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
