All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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