I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
