im drinking this country out of the recession.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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