Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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