When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
