Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
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She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
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Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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