I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
