ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
