then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
