I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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