i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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