idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize