Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Randomize
