I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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