so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
