We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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