No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
