so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
