I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
