How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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