remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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