just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
