I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
