Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
