please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
