yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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