Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
