I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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