i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
