Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
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We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
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Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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