Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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