I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
