Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize