oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize