I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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